⚠️This post contains a close reading of Ellis’ character arc with ending spoilers. ⚠️
The icebreaking power of the written word for Ellis and Wren
Left of Forever by Tarah DeWitt celebrates written communication and bursts at the seams with epistolary elements. Only through writing can Wren and Ellis, the divorced main characters of this second-chance romance, approach their deepest hurts and happiest moments. They share letters, emails, and journal entries with each other throughout the story.
Ellis is not a fan of pens. They’re too permanent.
Ellis is learning to embrace rather than erase his flaws. ✏️ Pencils are a part of this journey, and it’s why I annotated them as I read this book.
In the beginning of Left of Forever, Ellis deliberately writes in pencil only. Mentally, he needs the reassurance of the little pink eraser. Without the ability to erase, he can’t put his words down on paper. He admits this in an early letter (written anonymously) to Wren.
“I’ve been living and loving in half-measures for years. Living my life in pencil, because I don’t think I can get shit right the first time. “
Chapter 8, page 77
Pencils reveal Ellis’ secret to Wren.
200 pages after this admission, Wren figures out that her anonymous penpal “L” is Ellis. L and Ellis’ predilection for pencils is too eerily similar.
I […] hang up the phone, which is when the playback hits me.
What grown man has this many pencils?
“… living my life in pencil, because I don’t think I can get shit right the first time.”
Chapter 34, page 277
When a pencil-lover chooses ink (on skin), you know he’s changed.
Ellis’ character growth can be observed in the way his writing medium of choice changes in the story. The more openly he communicates with Wren, the more permanent the medium he writes in gets.
Emotionally, he graduates from pencils, to emails, to ink on paper, then to ink on skin (tattooed words). In a symbolic gesture that’s a stunning part of their HEA, Wren and Ellis turn their handwritten wedding vows into tattoos on their thighs. Their handwriting is preserved by the tattoo artist in the design. The symbolism is gorgeous. Ellis doesn’t need pencils, nor the promise of erasure when they marry again. With no fear, he can share his most vulnerable words in the most intimate and permanent ways, including ink on skin.
One of Ellis’ pencils made it into Tarah DeWitt’s Instagram post today.
Annotating Project: Chart Ellis’ Character Growth Through the Lens of Pencils, Emails, and Ink
You’ll need 11 tabs of the same color, including one for your tab key.
Below are the ten quotes to tab, organized by whether it’s a pencil, ink, or email moment.
pencil TAB ONE: Chapter 2, page 28
I reach for the pad of paper on the desk and dig a pencil out of my pack, too. I don’t know how most people write in pen. I rarely get shit right the first time and would love to use an eraser on more than words.
pencil TAB TWO: Chapter 8, page 77
“I’ve been living and loving in half-measures for years. Living my life in pencil, because I don’t think I can get shit right the first time. Maybe because I think it’ll save me some pain. So far, I’ve been wrong.”
pencil TAB THREE: Chapter 34, page 277
“K. Hang on.” I hear him moving around and rifling through the drawers at Ellis’s place. “Jesus, what grown man has this many pencils?” he mutters to himself. “All right, I’m ready.”
I fire off the combination to him and hang up the phone, which is when the playback hits me. What grown man has this many pencils?
“… living my life in pencil, because I don’t think I can get shit right the first time.”
pencil TAB FOUR: Chapter 37, page 292
“Him at six, alone in a classroom and studiously tracing the letters of the alphabet in pencil before any of the other kids had even arrived.”
ink TAB FIVE: Chapter 2, page 24
There’s something so intimate about words on paper, inked by someone’s hand, isn’t there?
ink TAB SIX: Chapter 34, page 274-275 (highlight these lines with a highlighter matching your tab color)
An origami bird with one wing worse for wear after I inadvertently rolled over it awaits me, Open me written on its neck. I smile and yawn at the same time, eagerly unfolding it. The first thing I see is my hastily scribbled signature in the corner.
[…]
“Would you sign something? Put it in writing? Have your people call my people?”
[…]
After he followed through and made me sign a statement saying I’d move back, we made love one more time.
[…]
“Just wanted something permanent,” he’d said. “Something that can’t be erased, even when everything changes between all of us.” He’d laughed through his nose and shut his eyes.
[…]
Aside from my sloppily scribbled agreement, the rest of the note says: You looked too pretty (and you were snoring too loud) to wake. I was getting tempted, though, so I took myself on a walk to the camp store to grab us coffees. I love you, Byrd. —El
ink TAB SEVEN: Chapter Forever, page 317
“How’s the tattoo? Lying like this doesn’t feel good.”
He pats the spot high on his thigh, where, under his jeans, he’s got a bandage covering a tattoo, twin to the one I’ve got on mine. We haven’t planned when exactly we’ll do a ceremony yet, but we wrote our own vows to one another in the meantime. His is in my handwriting, mine is in his.
ink TAB EIGHT: Chapter 39, page 302
We recite the vows we inked into our skin.
email TAB NINE: Chapter 14 page 124
“I’ll email you a loose outline of an itinerary and you can write back anything you want changed or if something doesn’t work. And as far as the rest of the trip details … I promise I’ll keep it … unconventional. We won’t go to any of the major, well-known places. No national parks.”
email TAB TEN: Chapter 24, page 204
I grab my phone to check my notifications and see that I’ve got two emails from Ellis in my inbox. One that was sent right at 7:00 the night before, like he scheduled it in advance because he knew we’d be at dinner. Then one from a little after midnight. I open up the earlier one first.
Annotate With Sara 